guilt! why is it so easy to be drawn into the whirlpool of guilt? here i am floating around, no, Flailing around, trying not to drown. it's murkiness takes away my breath. the heaviness pulls me under. i bob briefly above it, thinking i'm finally safe and suddenly get pulled back down by unseen tentacles. my heart beats fast, i feel pain in the pit of my stomach. i want to tuck myself into the fetal position and sleep, but i can't seem to so much as float in here. i am drowning. i feel like the green slimy scum that sits where the water is stagnant. i need someone to reach into the darkness and pull me to safety. but i realize that i have to save myself. i need to conquer this master of deception. to see it for what it is. it's not always nice to look at. sometimes it brings on more pain. but once i get past the sludge and green slime, things will be clear again.

babe is my landladys horse. she lives in my backyard.

on the third day of firearm deer season, i noticed her standing in the back of the pasture, gazing out over the dormant meadow into the woods. i wondered if she understood what was going on. if she was looking for the friends that come to share the pastures with her , wondering if she will see any of them again.

i've an agreement with the spiders here. they don't bite me and i don't squish them or toss them out into the cold. so they dwell with me in this small apartment and keep their part of the agreement, and i keep mine.
i guess i should have included my other housemates, the stinkbugs who've joined my menagerie. i walked into the bathroom to find one wrapped in a fine web and being watched over by it's captor. i wanted to confront the spider on the etiquette of apartment living. respect others, live and let live and all that. i realize they need to eat too, so decide that i'll just have to let them do their thing.
but i walk into the bathroom and see the mummified stinkbug on the floor, and realize it was not dinner. it just got caught up in the spider web..and the spider did what it does.. i need to warn the others to stay clear of the webs..